Thursday, December 11, 2008

He's Baaaaack Beyatches!!!!

Time to get that RIIIIIIIING!!!!






The S, The E, The M, The I, The S, The E, The M, The I……..Its Semis!!! Its Semis!!!!


Why do we play this game? Do we play for draft position? NO. Do we play for political banter? NO. Do we play for Zuc’s Memos? NO.

We Play to WIN the Game!!!! (Thanks Herm)


And then there were 4….



Albany Patroons (Central Division Champions; 8-5 Regular Season; 1-0 Playoffs)

Vs.

-5 Imperial Maulers (East Division Champions; 8-5 Regular Season)

These teams met week 10 with Albany winning the game 95 – 90.

Albany comes into Imperial on a mission. The Patroons were the laughingstock of the league last season capped off with the dismissal of Raud by BA towards season’s end. Albany made a run in the middle stretch of games this season to secure the Central Division title, but couldn’t hold on to the #2 seed and first round BYE down the stretch. No matter because Albany took care of business against Norfolk (82-68) in the wildcard round. Now the Patroons find themselves in a position that they haven’t been in since 2003 (Semi-Final Playoff Round). Of course there are no players left over from that Championship team and with Raud’s dismissal last year they don’t even have the same coach. A win over Wags who is Albany’s mortal enemy on all issues Sporting (USC over PSU), Political (Obama over McCain), Sporting Event Apparel (Bettis Jersey over Cable Guy outfit), will be extra sweet. I believe that keeping Wags from winning a ring, thus keeping along Albany’s patented WAGS REPELLANT (RIIIIIIIINNNNNGGG!!!) is a close second only to his own desire to win another ring.
The Maulers are hosting another FAA Semi-Final this year. The good part is that Wags has experience, the bad part is that he doesn’t have a ton of experience winning Semi-Final games. Of course with the Championship Game planned for Norfolk Field next week, one could argue that the field in Norfolk is Wags personal house of horrors. The Maulers shocked the league this year by bouncing back so quickly. After a miserable 3 win season last year and Zero (Count them….ZERO!) picks in the first or second round this year. It wasn’t clear how Imperial would turn it around, or better said IF they would turn it around. The self proclaimed ‘Genius’ hit the trade wires hard from draft day to the final days of the trading deadline and molded a team that was picked to finish 3rd in the East into a division Champion. Now can he take one more step? We know how sweet the win would be for Albany. It is safe to say it could be even sweeter for Wags. 2 more wins (starting with a win over Albany this week) and Wags will drive the stake through Albany’s heart about who is the better franchise. Overnight Albany’s ring in 2003 will be re-categorized as an old piece of scrap metal by Wags. So, what will we see….

Advantage Imperial Opponent Albany Opponent Advantage
Big Ben Ravens Brees Bears X
X T. Jones Bills M. Lynch Jets
X LT Chiefs R. Grant Jags
L. Moore Bears Harrison Lions X
X Boldin Vikings A. Johnson Titans
O. Daniels Titans D. Keller Bills X
X D.Carpenter 49ers J. Reed Ravens
Giants Cowboys Vikings Cards X
X OT- L. White Texans Pennington 49ers

The matchups are pretty close across the board. I believe this game will be decided by a scoring anomaly. Both teams have guys that are capable of 30pt games (T. Jones, LT, Boldin; Lynch, AJ, Brees) but all of those guys are capable of putting up low single digits during a 2008 NFL Sunday. The Bills and Chiefs both have given up in games this year, so Imperial could have a huge day running the ball. When Brees drops back to throw deep tonight BOTH teams will be anxious about who is under the pass! This is a must-see game with great matchups and FAA glory on the line. If I had to pick it I’d go with the home team. I just think at the end of the day that Lynch, Grant and Harrison are just as likely to combine for 15pts as they are to combine for 60 and the playoffs is no time for Ifs and Buts. Take Imperial give the points and buckle up.




Sewickley F-Bombs (7-6 Regular Season; 1-0 Playoffs)





AT




-3.5 New York Clients (West Division Champions; 10-3 Regular Season)




These teams met for a WILD game back in week 7 with the F-Bombs prevailing 103-102. The game tied Sewickley with the Clients for best FAA record after 7 weeks (6-1) and the battle lines were drawn for Regular Season supremacy. Amazingly Sewickley went 1-5 over the next 6 games to barely finish over .500 for the season. (The F-Bombs lone win came over Pittsburgh, eeeks!). Sewickley lost their grip on the Central Division title after 3 consecutive championships and backed into a wild-card spot for the playoffs. The F-Bombs took care of business last week (84-51) vs. Hendo and scored the most points of any wildcard playoff team. Even with all of the success and division championships Sewickley has never appeared in the FAA Championship Game. To get there Sewickley will have to beat a NYC team for the 2nd time this year, which has lost only 5 games in the past 2 years.
The Clients are hosting the FAA Semi’s for the 2nd consecutive year and the 3rd time in franchise history. NYC has enjoyed tremendous regular season success, however the Clients have only appeared in one championship game (drum roll please….) in 1999. NYC has managed to dominate this season without the services of last year’s FAA MVP (Brady) and by running a revolving door at RB2 and WR2. New York made a bold trade in giving up the Steeler DEF and a 2nd rd pick to add some stability to both of those positions. Lets just say…that hasn’t worked out. Neither Parker or Burress will be active for this week’s game and Burress may be just getting out of jail in time to compete with Zuc during his 5-6 year FAA domination (Memo to Zuc: Negro Puleazzzzze!). So it looks like Reggie Bush gets the start at RB2 and WR2 will be flavor of the week…again. TO is not getting any younger, Westbrook is growing more durable and Brady has missed the entire season. If NYC is going to the Championship Game, then the time is now for the Clients.

Advantage Clients Opponent Sewickley Opponent Advantage
X Rivers Chiefs Rodgers Jags
X Bush Bears LJ SD
X Westbrook Browns S. Jackson Seahawks
Owens Giants Wayne Lions X
Royal Panthers Marshall Panthers X
X Bironas Texans Crosby Jags
X Ravens Steeelers Bears Saints
OT- Garcia Falcons OT-Orton Saints X


NYC has some opportunities for some explosive point totals. Rivers vs. KC; Westbrook vs. Browns; Ravens vs. Steelers. Of course Detroit couldn’t cover Reggie Wayne even if they were allowed to run the Pistons starting 5 out in addition to the normal defense. This has the potential to be another high scoring game and of course it is MUST SEE TV. To me this game comes down to LJ and Steven Jackson. If these guys play the way they are capable of playing then considering the WR advantage the F-Bombs are unstoppable, however if these guys play the way they have played in many games this year (Jackson had 4pts against SEA earlier in the season, LJ was a DNP vs. SD) then Sewickley will not be able to set the bar high enough to avoid being eclipsed by Westbrook on Monday night. I like the Clients to take one step closer to the Fabio Cup.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Week 11 Official Lines and Predictions

Time to get down to business. The final stretch of division games are here and this week is set to be one of the most anticipated in FAA history. Onto the games…

Pittsburgh @ Jersey -10

Not often you will see a team on a 6 game losing streak as a 10pt favorite this late in the season, then again its not often you Ben Jarvis Green Ellis and Ricky Williams lining up in the backfield together… The Ballers resurfaced this week with an email about how much he loves this league and we can only hope that he means it. It is shameful how poorly the Pittsburgh franchise has been run over the years. I like at the roster and I see household names (Peyton, Addai, Fitz, Steve Smith…) and then I look at the record (3-7) and see a decade of mediocrity. Jersey has taken the tough schedule concept to all new heights. The Jackers have the #1 and #4 RBs paired with the #3 WR in the FAA. Has the rookie of the year at QB and a double-digit running back sitting on the bench. This team has to start winning at some point, right…..RIGHT? Give the points, hit your knees and pray. Give the 10 go with Jersey

Aliquippa @ Mt Lebo -6

All the teams that have been jealous about Mt. Lebo’s youth at RB through the first 10 weeks of the season are all laughing as the rookies are set to run smack into the wall over the season’s final weeks. Still hard to believe that Daunte Culpepper jumped straight off of his couch and into the Aliquippa’s starting line up last week. The Rabid Ghosts added Joe Flacco last week and Steeler fans everywhere stood up and cheered. If there is anyone who can ruin a QB its Zuc. It may just be time to get off of Bob’s back. I know its fun to call him Aqua Man and to point out his 9 year .500 streak, but the guy has improved his team dramatically this year. Mt. Lebo is the 2nd highest scoring team in this league and we are 10 weeks in!! I know you point to the record and that is what matters at the end of the day, but you are kidding yourself if you think Mt. Lebo squandered his early picks this year. There is so much talent on the roster that its possible that McFadden (#1 overall pick in the FAA draft) gets cut during the off-season. Calvin Johnson looks like a beast. Romo will only get better. The trade for the Steelers DEF was a smart move long-term, wrapping up a perennial strong DEF as a keeper. Yes this has been a string of losing seasons of epic proportions, but Mt. Lebo will be heard from in the future. Having said that…..I’ll take Quip town this week. ☺

Tokyo -3 @ Honolulu

The Destroyers have NEVER missed the FAA playoffs. Had to get that line out, because it may be one of the last times I get to type it. Honolulu is not mathematically eliminated but he is hanging on by the tiniest of threads. The emergence of Williams in Carolina has cast a cloud over his first round selection of Jonathan Stewart. The trade of LT was a bold move, but it also had a hint of desperation. Colston and Stewart have pretty much torched this team all season. This is Honolulu’s last stand. The Kamikazes have not been a good team for a while now. Rumors have been floating around that Carson Palmer was last seen leaving the scene with gas can in hand. His missed a golden opportunity to get Cassell in the starting lineup (40 pts!!!) Thursday night. Ivan is the kind of guy who doesn’t go down easy. I think he wins this week and puts off his execution for another 7 days.

New York -9 @ Henderson

So the West comes down to this…. NYC is one win away from winning more than 50% of all the West Division titles since 1999. Willie Parker gets his first start in a Client’s jersey and there is lots riding on his performance down the stretch for this team. Eddie Royal is the ONLY rookie on this team. The Client’s are a powerhouse but they are built to win now and not later, so its time to win Championships. Henderson won a Moyer cup in one of his first seasons in the FAA. Since that team he has bobbed back and forth above and below sea level. 2 games over .500 with the Eagles playing the lowly Bengals is all he could have hoped for at the start of the season. Of course there is the little problem of Hendo’s recent performance against NYC. Over the last 3 games NYC is 3-0 with an average score of 106 -47. The counter of Westbrook to Hendo’s McNabb is kryptonite to the Hitmen. Lay the points and go to www.jackedup.com to get your West Division Champion Hats and T-Shirts

Norfolk @ Imperial -8

That 70’s show!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Sorry, I had to get that out of the way. I have been in this space for 3 years talking about how Norfolk keeps winning ugly, how the guy is Jason Vorhees and won’t die, how his luck is bound to run out….Well after watching him pull off 5 consecutive wins while scoring the second least points in the FAA I just don’t know when its going to end. Portis’ injury status could be a problem for the rest of the year, but what is he doing with Portis anyway??? (Story for another day). Kurt Warner will likely have a huge day against SEA and Gore should blow up vs STL but I just don’t see where the rest of the scoring will come from. Imperial has been nipping at Norfolk’s heels for years. Faulk, Tomlinson, Johnson….how many star RBs have come through Imperial trying to get a ring. The Maulers traded away all their early draft picks this year and next year. Similar to NYC the Maulers need to win now. History isn’t on his side, but I think Wags can plunge the stake into Norfolk heart this week….but will it kill him?

Game of the Week

Sewickley @ Albany -8

This game has been building for 3 years now. It was 3 years ago when Sewickley stormed into this league and took over the Central division throne. Siv has gone form being known as Bird's high school age silent partner to the web innovator of the FAA. The move into FAA 2.0 (Pics, Blogs, Videos) was sparked by Siv. Leads you to question where the F@CK is Bird? For all Siv's prowess on the net his RB situation requires some help. Steven Jackson is out and the FiBombs are holding on to this division by a thread. Here comes.....BA. Somewhere during the long losing streak last season ( Albany 's 3rd season with no playoffs) BA made the bold move of tossing Dad out of the front office... Since that time BA is 4 games over .500 and within one game of the Central Division lead. I truly thought Raud would make his move next year, but the way the rosters are shaping up the Patroons can snatch the golden egg THIS season. The Mwelde Moore experiment is probably over so its time for Lynch to earn his franchise back tag. This race is not over but I like Albany this week.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Week 10 Official Lines and Predictions + Playoff Preview

Time to look at the FAA playoff picture heading into week 10. There are 4 games left to play and all of the divisions are up for grabs. Lets first take a look at the playoff seeding if they began today:


1. NY Clients*
2. Sewickley*
3. Imperial
4. Albany
5. Aliquippa
6. Henderson


The races are incredibly tight. Sewickley is 0.1PPG ahead of Imperial for the first round bye. Norfolk has the longest winning streak in the league (4) and is currently edged out of the playoffs by Captain Mediocrity (Hendo). Mt. Lebo is currently in position to do something no team in FAA history has EVER done. He is currently leading his division in PPG (2nd in the entire LEAGUE!!!!) and he is in LAST place in the Central. Is it possible that the Aqua Man thing is really in his head at this point? What is weird is that there are other teams who have better records with MORE points scored against. Mt. Lebo doesn’t even have the most points scored against in the Central (Albany). The flip side of the equation is the league’s 2nde LOWEST scoring team (Norfolk) has won 4 in a row and is only one game out of first place in the East.



Lets take a look at this week’s games (adjusted for Thursday’s results)


Pittsburgh @ Honolulu -9

Cutler is on the board with 38 points for the Destroyers and this one is OVER. PIT is on the board with 3 players on BYE and a last long in date of 11/2…. LT is gone from the Destroyers roster. Tomlinson never won a championship with Honolulu, but he also NEVER missed the playoffs. A nice gesture of Ivan to let him go before he misses the playoffs this season. Give the points. Honolulu easily.


Sewickley @ Tokyo -3

F-Bomb o F-Bomb where art thou? Looks like LEON WASHINGTON is going to get the start at RB for Sewickley this week in a 3 WR set. Marshall scored 14 on Monday night. Dare I say that he needed MORE THAN THAT? Reggie Wayne (vs. PIT) and D Jackson (vs. NYG) have tough matchups. F-Bomb is 1-3 in his last 4 games and the 1 win was a 1pt nail biter. Could the F-Bomb run in the Central be over? Tokyo has a strong roster at RB and WR (Ronnie Brown, Jacobs, Randy and Evans). Cassel pulling the trigger is the wild card. Looks like Tokyo plans to extend the Carson Palmer experiment another year. I’m surprised he didn’t load up to make an offer on QB to KEEP. This game will be close. My gut says that Sewickley finds a way to pull it out. Take the points.


Mt. Lebo @ New York -5

Brady Quinn handled his business by putting up 19 on Thursday night. Mt. Lebo is one loss away from assuring themselves of yet another losing season. In fact the emails have already started to get passed around about the Annual Aqua Man Consolation Tourney (C’mon, that is the PERFECT name for the loser tourney). The strange thing is that this game features the top two highest scoring teams in the league, yet NYC is favored hands down in the owner polls. NYC has dropped 2 of their last 3 games and the Clients are hungry for redemption. Lot of trades happened this week and the biggest was between these two teams. Plax Burress will suit up in Client’s blue and white this weekend and be taking the field against the Steelers’ DEF that has long been a Client’s staple. DYK that Mt. Lebo originally traded the Steelers DEF to NYC 2 years ago? NY is trying to skate through this week and get healthy for the playoff stretch. Mt. Lebo NEEDS this game and NYC WANTS it. I like the desperate team. Take the points and hope that Mt. Lebo can keep hope alive.


Jersey -2 @ Henderson

Winslow BLEW UP for the Hitmen on Thursday (23pts). Had Henderson kept and started Eddie Royal (26pts) this game may be over before it started. As it is Hendo has made a big swipe at the Jackers neck. The Jackers are falling apart (Memo to Raud: This is what it looks like when the wheels fall off). This is NOT the week that it is helpful for Barber and Graham to be on a bye. Jersey started the season with 4 wins and now has lost 5 in a row; he needs to start winning again if he plans to make the playoffs. Hendo finally made a trade for a 2nd rb, now he will be watching the injury report on a weekly basis to see if McGahee will go. Willis’ 0 pt effort last week got him a ticket out of NYC on the first thing smoking. Now McGahee has an opportunity to chase down NY over the next 4 weeks. I like Hendo to put the pressure on NYC this week. Take the points.


Norfolk @ Aliquippa -5

All the talk about the soft Bronco’s DEF rings hollow on Braylon Edwards. Edwards has been single handedly torching fantasy teams across the country this year. Not Norfolk….The Shipmen just keep winning. Creping along at 70PPG!!! The Shipmen continue to post W after W on the board. I don’t remember a time where a team had the top 2 RBs in the FAA. Throw in the 2nd ranked QB and Norfolk is primed for another deep playoff run. Before you plan the parade though you have to consider the WRs and his scoring average. Norfolk is unlikely to win tiebreakers with ANY team for final playoff spots. In fact the Shipmen would be OUT of the playoffs if they started today. The Shipmen have to keep winning to get in. Any ties could be tragic. All the Rabid Ghosts have going for them is running backs (Slaton and Johnson), and their matchups are AWFUL (Bal and CHI) this week. Doesn’t seem logical, but Norfolk may just win another ugly game. Even if he doesn’t win he will cover. Take the points and Norfolk.


GAME OF THE WEEK

Imperial -9 @ Albany

“It’s been a looooooooooong a long time coming, but I knoooooowwww a change is going come” Sam Cook

Albany hasn’t played in the featured game in nearly 4 years. The Patroons are one game behind Sewickley for the division lead and they are IN the play off mix for the first time in ages. Drew Brees has all the tools to GO OFF vs. Atlanta, but AJ against BAL is a tough matchup. Marvin Harrison is nearing the stage where he may be shot for humanitarian reasons. LT!!!!!!!!!! That is the headline that was blazed across the FAA trading deadline this week. Tomlinson crosses countries and is in the starting line-up vs. Albany immediately. A juicy matchup against KC could be the welcoming party that LT wants. T. Jones vs. STL, Delhomme vs. OAK, Boldin vs. SF. The matchups are just to good for Imperial in this one. Albany’s return to the stage could be over in 15 mins. Give the points. Imperial in a big way.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Week 9 Official Lines and Predictions






I’m back Beyatches!!!


Lots of meaty games on the FAA schedule this week. Lets start with the bad:


Mt. Lebo -3 @ Honolulu

Aqua man may get Willie Parker back this week and he NEEDS him with McFadden Questionable, Williams on BYE. Burress is back in the starting line-up but there is still time for him to do something stupid before kickoff. Honolulu has 5 players on BYE this week. At 2-6 Honolulu needs this win to keep any shot of a late playoff run alive. I just don’t see the players to make it happen. Give the 3 and go with Aqua man.


Albany @ Tokyo -1


Albany is the hottest team in the FAA. The Patroons have stormed back from a 1-3 start to move within a game of Sewickley for the Central Division lead. This week Albany will try to get it done without the FAA’s top scoring player (Brees on BYE). I hate Grant’s matchup against TEN and Harrison looks older every week, but Garrard (vs. CIN), Lynch (vs. NYJ) and AJ (vs. MIN) are solid plays. Dare we say that Tokyo is the best 1-win team of all-time? The Kamikaze roster is littered with double-digit scorers, but not one player that averages over 13.3PPG. Tokyo is playing for pride at this point and when you mix Kamikazes with a no-win situation, historically they find a way to win….I’m going with Tokyo


Pittsburgh @ Henderson PICK

The funny thing about this game is that both teams give off the impression that they are winless. Meanwhile both are technically still in the hunt for their division titles or at least a wild-card spot. In the span of 4 weeks the Ballers have gone from Anderson, Addai, Portis, Fitz, S. Smith, S. Moss TO Peyton, Addai, J. JONES, Fitz, S. Smith, CRAYTON. This team will never be good until this franchise moves. Hendo is .500, he plays .500 ball every year and boring .500 ball every week. Hendo doesn’t deserve the win this week, but he’ll get it.


Now lets get into the meat and potatoes of this week’s schedule


Jersey -5 @ Aliquippa

“I’m FREEEEEEEEEE, FREE FALLING, I’m FREEEEEEEEE…” Jersey put up a now infamous poll question about which team would remain undefeated the longest and then went out and lost 4 games in a row. For the first time all season Jersey is looking up at the Maulers in the East. It is time to put up or shut up for Jersey. Jersey RBs are 2 and 5 in the rankings. He has the FAA’s #1 WR (R. White) and #5 DEF (TEN). Yet the guy has not been able to put it together for a month now. Quip Town has his heart set on winning 8 games in 2008. He will need to go 4-1 down the stretch to make that happen. He has TOUGH matchups across the board this week (Campbell and S. Moss vs. PIT; Slaton vs. MIN; Bowe vs. TB). Quip town has to have this game and Carc is showing no sign of life coming into the game. I think Quip town squeaks one out. Take the points.


New York -3 @ Norfolk

NYC bounced back from their first loss of the season with a big win over Jersey. The Clients will go into the game with Rivers on BYE. Normally QBs are not that difficult to replace for one week, but Rivers has had to carry this team several times already this year. R. Moss and TO have not put the explosive numbers NYC is used to from the WR corp this year. McGahee has come back strong from injury and Westbrook is simply the best RB in the game when he is healthy. Also look for BAL DEF to play a big factor in this game. It will be interesting to see if Bulger can step right off the waiver wire and successfully onto the field. Norfolk has kept a lower profile than the Pittsburgh Pit bulls (during the Glaze era). The Shipmen have quietly strung together several ugly wins and I get the sense that he is trying not to jinx his good fortune by opening up his big mouth. Of course with Portis facing PIT and Edwards facing BAL, he may just be trying to save face in case of a humbling defeat. I like NY to go 100+ for the 3rd consecutive week and win this one going away.


GAME OF THE WEEK

Sewickley @ Imperial -7

Yes you read that correctly. Imperial is giving 7 at home vs. the mighty F-Bombs. First of all lets offer a correction. Wags took a lot of heat over LJ, but he was right and we were wrong. LJ has had 2 maybe 3 good performances in last 1.5 years. I still think he could have got more for the LJ, but we are splitting hairs. His sources were correct. This also means that F-Bomb’s sources were wrong. Imperial is a championship contender one year after missing the playoffs for the first time in franchise history. The WR corp of Jennings, Boldin and now Holmes is talented and deep. T. Jones and Freakin Doughnut are both solid RBs and S. Morris is a good back up. We bash him when he is wrong, but lets give some credit for doing things right. Irrelevant with no first draft pick to leading the East after the midway point in one season. There are times when a big loss can suck the life out of a team. Other times a big win takes everything out of a team (Think Ohio State over Michigan…EVERY YEAR). That is what happened to Sewickley. After gutting out 103pts and a 1pt victory Sewickley put up their all-time low score last week. The Ballers better snap out of their funk soon. Albany is breathing down his neck and Imperial is looking to make a statement this week. Chester Taylor may be the only healthy RB on Sewickley’s roster going into this week. The Chi DEF (vs. DET), R. Wayne (vs. NE), B. Marshall (vs. MIA) are all capable of herculean efforts….Sewickley will need it. Give the points and get ready for Wags to be unchained next week.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Clash of the Titans

Finally the schedule makers see fit to bring together the league's most successful franchise and the league's most popular franchise in Norfolk, VA this week. The Shipmen and Clients haven't met since 2004. There was some talk of hurt feelings after GWB edged Kerry in the last Presidential Election, but FAASPN has learned the true origin of the riff between these two proud men.

New York Clients owner Orlando Hampton is a compassionate and understanding man. He is willing to look the other way when it comes to Dwayne's political affiliations, his insatiable appetite for spicy wings, his ruining of Hot Stove football and even his sporting a box in high school that wasn't faded. But Hampton draws the line at the skinny tie from the yearbook picture. "I know Dwayne is 148 years old, but skinny ties have been out for at least 170 years now", said Hampton during an hour long phone conversation in which he blistered Kirkland's wardrobe since the inception of the FAA. "This guy says he opposes welfare, WELL its only FAIR that we know who dresses this guy in the morning! Checkers? Diagonal Stripes? Puhleeasse!". Hampton recalled a trip to Vegas and Phoenix with the commish last year, "So we are driving to Phoenix and this guy is going on and on about how snazzy of a dresser Wags' has become since Reese. I'm looking down at Dwayne's courdory short set and high-top sneakers and thinking maybe Wags can give him a few tips. Well we get to the stadium and I hear Wags calling my name, before I can turn I hear commish say 'SHARP!'. Just then I turn to see this guy with khakis and a mock turtle neck! Did I mention it was PHOENIX?!?!?!" Hampton is looking forward to the game but will be sure to not sit ANYWHERE he can see Kirkland.....and his outfit.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Why let a corruption conviction stall your Senate Race?



WASHINGTON – Ted Stevens, a pillar of the Senate for 40 years and the face of Alaska politics almost since statehood, was convicted of a seven-felony string of corruption charges Monday — found guilty of accepting a bonanza of home renovations and fancy trimmings from an oil executive and then lying about it.

Unbowed, even defiant, Stevens accused prosecutors of blatant misconduct and said, "I will fight this unjust verdict with every ounce of energy I have."

The senator, 84 and already facing a challenging re-election contest next Tuesday, said he would stay in the race against Democrat Mark Begich. Though the convictions are a significant blow for the Senate's longest-serving Republican, they do not disqualify him, and Stevens is still hugely popular in his home state.

The jury — itself a daily drama, trying to expel one of its own members — convicted Stevens of all the felony charges he faced, accusations based heavily on the testimony of a wealthy oil contractor who for years had been a fishing and drinking buddy.

Visibly shaken after the verdicts were read — the jury foreman declaring "guilty" seven times — Stevens tried to intertwine his fingers but quickly put his hands down to his side after noticing they were trembling. As he left the courtroom, he got a quick kiss on the cheek from his wife, Catherine, who testified on his behalf during the trial.

Stevens faces up to five years in prison on each count when he is sentenced, but under federal guidelines he is likely to receive much less time, if any. The judge did not immediately set a sentencing date.

The monthlong trial revealed that employees for VECO Corp., an oil services company, transformed Stevens' modest Alaska mountain cabin into a modern, two-story home with wraparound porches, a sauna and a wine cellar.

Stevens said he had no idea he was getting freebies. He said his wife handled the business of the renovation. He said he paid $160,000 for the project and believed that covered everything.

As his attorneys had during the trial, Stevens said in a statement issued afterward that prosecutors had improperly held back favorable evidence, had sent a crucial witness back to Alaska and "allowed evidence to be introduced that they knew was false."

"I am innocent," he declared. "I ask that Alaskans and my Senate colleagues stand with me as I pursue my rights." Addressing the folks back home, he added, "I will come home Wednesday and ask for your vote."

He had asked for an unusually speedy trial, hoping he'd be exonerated in time to win re-election. Despite being a convicted felon, he is not required to drop out of the race or resign from the Senate. If he wins re-election, he can continue to hold his seat because there is no rule barring felons from serving in Congress. The Senate could vote to expel him on a two-thirds vote.

"Put this down: That will never happen — ever, OK?" Stevens said in the weeks leading up to his trial. "I am not stepping down. I'm going to run through, and I'm going to win this election."

Taking nothing for granted, Begich said merely, "This past year has been a difficult time for Alaskans, but our people are strong and resilient and I believe that we will be able to move forward together to address the critical challenges that face Alaska."

Gov. Sarah Palin, the Republican vice presidential nominee, said, "The verdict shines a light on the corrupting influence of the big oil service company that was allowed to control too much of our state. It was part of the culture of corruption I was elected to fight. And that fight must always move forward regardless of party or seniority or even past service."

"I'm confident Senator Stevens will do what's right for the people of Alaska."

Carl Shepro, a professor of political science at the University of Alaska in Anchorage, said, "It's very possible that he's going to win the election."

Many Alaskans believe Stevens is being unjustly attacked, and that the charges against him don't amount to real corruption, Shepro said.

Democrats, hoping to pick up a long-sought Republican seat, have invested heavily in the race, running television advertisements starring fictional FBI agents and featuring excerpts from wiretaps introduced at the trial.

Stevens' conviction hinged on the testimony of Bill Allen, the senator's longtime friend and the founder of VECO. He testified he never billed Stevens for the work on the house and the senator knew he was getting a special deal.

Stevens spent three days on the witness stand, vehemently denying that allegation. He said his wife paid every bill they received.

Living in Washington, thousands of miles away, made it impossible to monitor the project every day, he said. Stevens relied on Allen to oversee the renovations, he said, and his friend deceived him by not forwarding all the bills.

Prosecutors used a barrage of witnesses to question how Stevens could have been in the dark about VECO's work on the project. VECO employees testified to seeing Stevens at the house. One left him a company business card. Stevens sent thank you notes to others.

Stevens' conviction is the highlight of a lengthy FBI investigation into Alaska corruption, but prosecutors noted that it is not the end. Stevens' longtime Republican colleague, Rep. Don Young, remains under investigation for his ties to VECO. Stevens' son, Ben, a former Alaska lawmaker, is also under investigation.

Stevens is a legendary figure in Alaska, where he has wielded political influence since before statehood. His knack for steering billions of dollars in federal money to his home state has drawn praise from his constituents but consternation from others.

Stevens is the fifth senator convicted of criminal charges. The last previous one was Republican David Durenberger of Minnesota, who was indicted in 1993 on charges of conspiring to make fraudulent claims for Senate reimbursement of $3,825 in lodging expenses. He later pleaded guilty to misdemeanor charges and was sentenced to one year of probation and a $1,000 fine.

The jury left the court without comment.

Said U.S. District Judge Emmet Sullivan: "The jurors have unanimously told me that no one has any desire to speak to any member of the media. They have asked to go home and they are en route home."

They had been a story all by themselves after deliberations began last Wednesday.

They complained of stress and violent outbursts in the jury room. They tried to expel one of their members. They asked to go home early. Then one of them said her father had died, and she was allowed to go home to California. Then she couldn't be reached.

The judge put an alternate on the jury on Monday, and within hours there was a verdict.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Sunday Blog


12:37PM - Our first controversy of the day is whether or not F-Bomb will get a starting RB into the game this week. He doesn't have one active starter on his roster for this week's game vs. Henderson. F-Bomb may have shot his load last week...

12:39PM - In the game of the week NY will be having 7 players (All but the PK) going at 1pm. Won't take long to figure out who will come out victorious in the battle with Jersey.

1:37PM - No RBs for Sewickley today.....WOW

2:07PM - TO and Moss have to be the most disappointing WR combo in the FAA. McNabb has blurred vision and Henderson is trying his best to lose to a team that has NO STARTING RBs.

2:10PM - The Saints and Chargers are playing in London. I forgot to mention this, but I saw New Orleans and San Diego jersey for sale all over London. The funny part is that none were LT or Bush. Instead the Jersey were like Devery Henderson and Jamal Williams. I wonder if the NFL just shipped over boxes of jerseys that they couldn't sell here. I also wonder if Henderson (who already has a TD today) will become an NFL star in the UK

2:13PM - I am stealing money from Vegas this year by betting on the Ravens against bad offenses. The Ravens offense is so mediocre that Vegas gives the DEF not nearly enough credit. I'm watching this Oakland game and wondering how exactly the Raiders are going to score today.

2:14PM - Been watching a lot of football with Redskins fans since making the move to Virginia. Have to be the either the most passionate fans in the league or simply the most hungry. Reason being is that I've noticed that even in blowout games when they are up big they still cheer wildly for positive plays by the redskins. They are playing Detroit and literally the fans in the Sportsbar break into spontaneous ovations with each first down!

2:49PM - Well now we know how Oakland will score against Baltimore. A fluke deep bomb and then they couldn't move the ball one inch and settled for a FG. I think Oakland closed the door on what little chance they had for a victory by not punching that one into the end zone.

2:50PM - Westbrook is the best back in the NFL when he is on the field.

3:19PM - The Raiders just went down the field and scored again. Forget about what I said before...Even the Raven's DEF gets demoralized by watching this offense...

3:21PM - The St. Louis Rams fired their coach and then beat Dallas and Washington in back to back games. Don't know if they will beat the Pats but they are giving them all they can handle and Stephen Jackson isn't even playing.

3:22PM - Speaking of the Pats... I watched that Denver game on DVR and they beat the crap out of the Broncos. The interesting part to me though, was that the Broncos MAULED the Pats D-Line up front. Things look good for the Steelers later in the season.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Week 7 picks hosted by BA

Peep Raud in the Bus Jersey





I received the go ahead to do the Week 7 picks because small money O is on the road in his two tone Pinto. The first game is Norfolk and Honolulu . This is a battle of two teams at 2-4. Looking at this match up, BA believes although Norfolk has new life from the trade with Albany and Pittsburgh , we still do not believe in Anderson . Portis will be questionable. There are tough match ups across the board. Honolulu will be favorite by six; take the Destroyers and the points. This will not be close.

Imperial and Aliquippa Not only a battle of two 3-3 teams but two teams that do not like each other. Imperial is favored by two but I like Aliquippa to win this game in a upset because of the strength of there RB match ups.


Pittsburgh and Mt Lebanon . If there were ever a game that I would recommend changing to Figure skating this would be it. Pittsburgh is starting Perry against the Steelier D. That is almost as bad as starting Ricky Williams against Baltimore ’s D. He is doing that too. Lebo is favored by four, take Aqua Man to win, but still remain under sea level.

Jersey and Tokyo . Is this game fair? Tokyo could be making a claim for the worst team ever. With Palmer hurt and Holt playing for St Louis . I can’t see many points for this team. When the Tampa D can be your highest scoring player, you do not stand a chance. Can we invoke the mercy rule now! Jersey is favored by 10 and it should be more. Take NJ and do not look back.

Sewickley and New York . This still is the game of the week, even after the Sewickley loss. Father time is catching up to New York and I cannot see him staying unbeaten after this week. NY favored by three but take Sewickley to win

going away.

Albany and Hitmen. These Hitmen will not have any hit this week. With many of his players on the Bye, I cannot see them staying with Albany this week. BA wishes the Hitmen were at full strength so he can see how his team would respond. The Patroons are favored by 5 points over the Hitmen; but there is a R rating for this game. Hide the women and children, this will get ugly. Albany will win going away.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Undefeated and still BALLING!!!




The Clients kept it rolling last week with a big win over the Destroyers. With the win the Clients move their regular season record over the past two seasons to 17-2. Also the win over Honolulu also means that the Clients have a winning record against EVERY team in the FAA. This week New York host the Sewickley F-Bombs in one of the more anticipated matchups in FAA history. Sewickley comes into New York with a 5-1 record and 3 consecutive Central Division titles. Of course the Clients come in UNDEFEATED and with their sights site on a second consecutive FAA #1 Seed. Last season Sewickley suffered a humilating 110 to 77 defeat on their home field. This picture taken of Carcamo one week later trying to help Siv remove Bird's head from the F-Bomb's mascot tells the story.

DON'T F with me F-Bombs!!!!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Erick Carcamo's DID YOU KNOW now hosted on the blogspot

The New York Clients are glad to announce a partnership with Jacked Up Inc. Each week we will now host his weekly Did You Know column. Also look out for "Counterpoint" where we will invite Wags to post whatever he wants on this blog once per week. Enjoy!


* DYK that Tokyo is still winless and lost 2 games by only 1 point?

* DYK that the 3 time Champ is 1-4 and 3 games back with 8 to go?

* DYK that Norfolk has lost all 4 games on average of 40ppg?

* DYK that Mt. Lebo could be 3-2? If he doesn't bench Forte and Burress in wk1 and last week actually plays two RB instead of using DeAngelo as OT player?

* DYK that Mt. Lebo is 1-4 and has to win 6 out of 8 to be above .500?

* DYK that if you added up Aliquippa, Tokyo and Norfolk's Power Ranking wins they would barely be in 5th place?

* DYK that Tokyo still has ZERO Quality wins this year?

* DYK that if you add up the total Quality points for NY, NJ and Sewickley they are only 99 pts behind all the other teams combined in quality points?

* DYK that the Jackers owner leads all teams in winning pctg for weekly picks?

* DYK that Sewickley has top 10 players at every position except his RB's where he has Steven Jackson and Larry Johnson (not bad)

* DYK that Aliquippa is riding a 3-2 record but two wins were by a combined 5 points?

* DYK that Pitt only has 2 wins but won both by a combined score of 83 points?

* DYK that Honolulu lost their first 3 games with teams averaging 82ppg against yet in his 2 wins they are only averaging 55ppg? (did he really get any better?)

* DYK that Henderson has won only when the Eagles have won this year? (yes you probably knew that one LOL)

Monday, October 6, 2008

Let's give all of our money to the rich!!!


Alan Fishman, CEO WAMU



I have been watching this one closely for obvious reasons. The last two companies I worked for are Chase and Providian (Purchased by Wamu). I have good friends at both companies and financial interest in Chase. I have been harping on the inequities of our current system for some time, but everyday more details come out that even shock me.

Carc sent out the message last week about Wamu's CEO. Turns out that FDIC regualtions (GASP!) will prevent him from receiving his multi-million dollar severance after just 3 weeks on the job. My favorite is the following statement from Chase's Corporate Communications secretary.

"It is doubtful that Mr. Fishman would be entitled to severance payments under his contract because of FDIC regulations, but in any event, he would not accept severance under these circumstances," the spokesman said Wednesday in an interview.

How can you not be impressed by that mastery of the human language. The message is basically, we found out that he CAN'T get the money and now that we KNOW that we are comfortable in saying he would have never taken it anyway... But it gets better...

He would not comment on whether Fishman would keep a $7.5 million signing bonus or whether he is still employed at WaMu. Fishman's employment contract made him eligible for $11.6 million in cash severance, according to James F. Reda & Associates, a compensation-consulting firm in New York.

No comment on whether or not he will keep the $7.5MM signing bonus for 3 weeks work. I guess he doesn't have the same crisis of conscious about a signing bonus, OR maybe it has something to do with there being no law to prevent him from cashing in.

As if that wasn't funny enough for your afternoon reading. Try this for the employees of Wamu

Washington Mutual employees will not find out for another two months whether they have a job and the fate of their pensions remains unclear, according to a JPMorgan Chase executive who spoke to employees from both companies in a frank, hourlong conference call Thursday.

JPMorgan (NYSE: JPM) also plans to rebrand WaMu branches across the country with the JPMorgan Chase name, said Charlie Scharf, head of JPMorgan Chase’s Retail Financial Services group.

WaMu employs about 43,000 employees nationwide — including 3,500 in downtown Seattle — and JPMorgan Chase has about 195,600.

Scharf, who spent a chunk of the conference call answering blunt questions from employees, said employees’ pension plans are part of WaMu’s business that’s held up in Chapter 11 bankruptcy, so it’s not JPMorgan’s responsibility to honor them.

However, Scharf said JPMorgan is attempting to transfer the pensions to his company. He also said there are plans to “replace obligations so people don’t lose money.”

As for layoffs, Scharf said JPMorgan is taking 60 days to sort through WaMu’s organization to determine which employees it will cut and keep.

“By Dec. 1, our goal is to be able to tell everyone in the organization what the future is here,” said Scharf. “Unfortunately there is duplication. There will be losses of jobs. We don’t know where that job loss is and we’re going to figure it out.”

Severance and potential job cuts

Scharf said employees will be divided into three categories: those who are laid off immediately, those who will keep their jobs at JPMorgan for the long term, and those who will be asked to stay during the transition period and then will be cut at the end.

Employees who are asked to stay through the transition period will receive a massive incentive. Not only will they receive their severance, they’ll also receive their 2008 bonus, a pro-rated 2009 bonus and an additional salary payment based on the length of the transition period.

“If the transition date is at the end of February, you’ll get an additional five months worth of salary at the end of that transition,” said Scharf.

Employees who are laid off immediately will receive severance pay and outplacement assistance. Employees who remain long-term will receive their yearly bonuses as usual and “we’ll have a combined incentive plan for everyone,” said Scharf.

“We do intend to retain most of the people here,” he said.

Employee awards

Several employees asked Scharf about employee equity awards that were handed out in the form of stock options.

After federal regulators took over Washington Mutual last week and sold the bulk of its operations to JPMorgan, the WaMu company’s stock plunged to 16 cents and was delisted from the New York Stock Exchange, leaving shareholders with next to nothing. JPMorgan did not assume any shareholder debt.

Scharf told employees that JPMorgan would not replace any stock awards.

“Those are worth what they’re worth,” he said, sparking laughter. “I’m really not trying to make light of it. It is all your money.”

Transition talk

Scharf said JPMorgan, which closed on WaMu’s banking operations in only 26 hours, is working to assemble merger committees with executives from both companies to work through the transition.

JP Morgan’s goal is that by the beginning of next week, the two companies will be working together. Scharf added that JPMorgan plans to be as open as possible about transition activities.

“There’s a lot more work to do,” said Scharf. “We’ve got to report joint earnings in about two weeks, which is kind of remarkable and difficult.”

Advertising and branding

JPMorgan Chase plans to rebrand WaMu branches with its name, largely because the new company already has such a massive advertising base and spends $2 billion a year on building its brand.


Once again the mastery of language is beautiful as they somehow got the writer to include the word "massive" to describe the incentive package for employees who stay during the transition. Almost makes you forget that high-salaried executives are generally the folks that stay on through the transition.....

Friday, October 3, 2008

Money O Speaks

I'm back beeeeyatches. Yeah, I got shut down and suspended for the first 4 games of this season for my antics towards the end of last year but O
can't hold me down. I'm tired of people taking shots at the throne and its about time for the Clients to get at a few busters!!

Firs let me right mie opening sentince ovur foe Raud. Stop thowing rocks at the THROWN!


Why is F-Bomb critiquing the Client's broadcast? O gives you to much credit. Don't make me bring up your ONE AND DONE playoff routine every year.
Maybe you should fire Marv Levy!

Deeeeeeaaaaammmm Commish your team is looking WEAK this year! Yeah, I said it!

Tokyo is voting for Obama, let's just say your fans want CHANGE too. How about you win a darn game. I'm going to argue for a bail-out of the West
because we are TOO big to fail and you are killing us!

So what if you won three games ZUC. You are still the only guy in this league who could commit suicide by jumping from his EGO to his IQ.

The more I look at Isimo's roster the worse I feel about buying up all of the aluminum foil in his town to prevent him from making hats for his
whole family.


A tin foil hat is a piece of headgear made from one or more sheets of tin foil, aluminium foil or similar material. People wear the hats in the
belief that they act to shield the brain from such influences as electromagnetic fields, or against alien interference, mind control and mind
reading. The idea of wearing a tin foil hat for protection from such threats has become a popular stereotype and term of derision. The phrase serves
as a byword for paranoia and is often used to characterize conspiracy theorists.
Henderson runs his mouth about the election, but he was quiet when I ran his a$$ of the field last week. He needs some social programs for his
underprivledged running game.

3 picks in the first round and you can't even split you first 4 games??? Mt. lebo probably stabbed himself in the eye trying to pick his nose.
Good luck getting to 5 Hunnnnniidd

Wags was so skinny when this league started that now that he weighs 170lbs we have him pi$$ing in a cup 3 days week checking for HGH, and we still
never got an explanation of why you showed up for last year's Steelers/Cards game disguised as Jim Carey in the cable guy

I supposed I'm supposed to take it easy on Jason because he is new to league. You better be lucky I was supended when you picked Derek Anderson in
the first round. I would have put my joint out on your forehead if I was at the draft. I already knew Dwayne wore a helmet in elementary school,
now I know who passed it down to him

Carcamo has to be the first White/Italian/Mexican/Philipino/American to be involved with offshoring jobs. I guess all those years of doing nothing
and getting paid here, made it obvious to him that his job could be done anywhere in the world.

Get some beyatches!




Thursday, October 2, 2008

Week 5 Official Lines and Predictions

Time to make a run if you are planning on making it. There are clear trends starting to appear in the division races. 3 undefeated teams each one leading their division. We could be looking at 3 game leads in the East and West with only 8 regular season games remaining. The race for a first round bye and the race for a wild card slot are still WIDE open, but just know that those races start for real when we hit the halfway point in 2 weeks.



Norfolk @ Pittsburgh -2

Cpt. Kirk vs. Dirty Kirk. The Kirkland Bowl kicks off in Pittsburgh with a battle for…..uh…er…Last Place! Well anyway it’s always interesting to see a sibling rivalry. When I look at Norfolk and see Peyton Manning, Frank Gore and Rudi Johnson coming to town I get all fired up, then I realize that it’s 2008 and not 2006 and I simmer down pretty quickly. J Carlson at TE? Wow….Picking Derek Anderson in the first round only looks worse in hindsight. I love Addai, Portis, Fitz and Steve Smith,. Just don’t know if a team quarterbacked by JT O’Sullivan, Derek Anderson or Jeff Garcia can get consistent enough play from that position to win. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think the Commish will be in last place after this week. Give the 2 points and go with the Ballers.


Imperial @ Jersey -6

Jersey swept the season series last year in two non-descript games (Average Margin of Victory 72 – 59). There used to be a time when Imperial was the clear #2 in the East while Jersey battled it out with Pittsburgh for the bottom spot. Imperial could not topple Norfolk and I’m sure it must kill Wags to see Jersey wrestling control of the entire division away. I know Wags wants this win very badly. Big Ben and Freakin Donut have tough matchups (Jax and Bal) and I can’t believe Boldin is going to play after that last hit. AP and Barber have rather soft matchups (NO and CIN), its also possible that TJ could get involved in a shootout with Dal. At the end of the day I think Jersey just has the horses and there is that whole “it” factor. Go with Jersey


Albany @ Mt Lebo PICK

The Outlaws swept the season series last year (Albany only won 3 games, so get used to hearing that opening sentence). Both of these teams are under tremendous pressure. It was last season that Mt. Lebo started aiming for success this season. With 3 picks in the first round Mt. Lebo could cement his role as punch line forever if he can’t pull out an above .500 season this year. Albany is going so badly that the wheels fell off 10 miles back. The thought that the Patroons could be headed for a 4th consecutive season of golfing during the first week of the playoffs comes as a complete surprise to exactly one person…ROD. To steal a line from one of Isimo’s best email blast, “Someone get that man a mirror!” So here is the crazy thing….I think Raud can win this week. It’s no sure thing, but if he doesn’t win this week then I don’t know how many more chances that he will get. Mt. Lebo has a 3 WR set and I don’t know if you can’t count on Holmes, Calvin Johnson and Toomer to put up consistent points. Okay, so I’ve talked myself into it. I like ALBANY THIS WEEK!!!


Tokyo vs. New York -8

These two teams split the season series last year and Tokyo even made the division race interesting during the first half of the season. The Kamikazes are always a formidable opponent in the West, which is probably working against them this year. Typically an undefeated team like the Clients would look past a winless team, but it’s hard to do that in the West. Matt Cassel makes his debut for Tokyo, but he is countered because if he does something major then it likely will involve New York’s Moss who hasn’t contributed much to the Clients early season success. Ronnie Brown had a great game against New England 2 weeks ago, but I have the feeling that San Diego has been preparing for the single wing. The Clients would be better off if Andy Reid announces Westbrook is out, that way NYC can just go with Buckhalter. This questionable status could leave the Clients with a ZERO at their RB1 slot, which is never a recipe for success. I predict this game will be closer than the line indicates. I like the clients to win, but don’t be surprised if its close.



Honolulu -5 @ Henderson

These two teams split the series last year. Henderson is fresh off having his a$$ handed to him by New York, but that is nothing new for the Hitmen over the last two years. Typically Henderson plays just above .500 ball so it could be his week . Isimo surprised the league by cutting Maroney and Eddie Royal last week, both who were immediately snatched up by other folks in the league. There was no press release out of Honolulu, but it seemed like another mid-season bold move by the Destroyers similar to trading LJ last year. Who knows if it will work this year, but I still like Honolulu this week.



GAME OF THE WEEK

Sewickley -10 @ Aliquippa

It’s no secret that Sewickley has absolutely run this division in recent years. Zuc issued the challenge way back in the summer “I am the Central!” and no one believed him. Well….Sur-prise Sur – prise Sur – prise. A win this week would put Aliquippa in 1st place in the Central division as we approach the half way point of the season. Slaton and Chris Johnson are a formidable and young combination. Chad Johnson needs to step up his game to make the Ghosts REAL. The F-Bombs have taken the whole league by storm. www.fblog.blogspot.com is a must read spot on the Internet. The Ghost Busters logo was classic this week. What was even more classic though was the performance of Larry Johnson and Stephen Jackson last week. This combination has been together for 3 years now and last week is the first one that I remember that both were “on” at the same time. Brandon Marshall is making everyone else’s first round pick look silly. It would be great for the league if Aliquippa wins and makes the Central a race for the title. Unfortunately the FAA is no fairly tale. F-Bombs.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

The Clients Prepare for the Kamikazes


The tradition of suicide instead of defeat and perceived shame was deeply entrenched in the Japanese military culture. For instance, it was one of the main traditions in the Samurai life and the Bushido code, particularly loyalty and honor unto death.

What a week to be playing Tokyo. The Kamikazes come into this game winless on the season and they have to be dangerously close to choosing death over shame at this point. Tokyo is one of only two teams to defeat the Clients in the regular season last year, but things have gone from bad to worse for them through the first 1/3 of the season. Coming off a 56 point effort, Tokyo is averaging a mere 60PPG. New York has to be careful not to look past Tokyo this week. Client's owner Orlando Hampton said, "Tokyo is always a dangerous team and we have to pay full attention to them, plus it is important that we stay healthy since we have a big game with Honolulu next week, then we have two undefeated teams back to back in Sewickley and Jersey. I have been surprised at how strong Sewickley has looked this season and Jersey is the "it" team. We are looking forward to matching our talent against those teams, but this week our full focus is on whats their names....."

Even though the owner doesn't appear to be focused the front office is very concerned with Tokyo's mindset coming into the game. Because of the proximity of Newark International Airport to Client's Field, New York has successfully petitioned the FAA corporate offices to install anit-aircraft weapons on the stadium roof. In addition the Kamikazes will be busing it to Philly rather than flying directly out of Newark post game. Said Client's Team President Money O, "These dudes will flip out when they lose again. They would rather die than be shamed!! Nigga you is trippin!!!"

Oh yeah, Money O is back....

Sunday, September 28, 2008

The reason why hotels in Vegas are so nice....



I'm not a big gambler. If I lose $150 during a weekend in Vegas I think about it all of the next week. The only game I regularly play is Roulette and that is probably because I check the whole thing up to luck. I often laugh at myself because if you set at the table long enough you actually start to think there is strategy involved. Hmmmm, lets see the last 4 rolls have been red, NOW is the time to bet on black!! (Thanks Wesley!) I once went to Vegas with two friends from India and introduced them both to Roulette. After a few hours one of my buddies has developed a full fledged strategy of only playing when there is a woman dealer. He develops this strategy while playing alone while me and the other guy sit in the sportsbook betting on Oscar vs. Floyd. I laugh out loud at my friend's new strategy as I join him at the Roulette table. There is currently a male dealer and he is patiently sitting it out. After losing 3 times in a row a woman dealer takes over and BAM BAM. TWO wins in a row!! Within minutes I've gone from laughing in his face to a full on believer. I'm yelling out the dealers name with each spin "GLENDA!!!!" "Go GLENDA!!"
After losing 3 times in a row a woman dealer takes over and BAM BAM. TWO wins in a row!!
. We break out from the table as soon as (GASP) male moves in to take over the table. We then head over to the sportsbook where I start to "school" them on the art of picking football games. HA! I strongly believe that you are worse off gambling when you THINK you actually know something. I don't know how many weekends I have sat in Vegas and marveled at an outrageous line. My reaction on Friday when I first see the board is "WHAT!?! Cleveland GETTING 3 points at Cincy! Cincy is terrible! What are they thinking?" by Friday (after losing on College teams that I don't know a thing about...."I can't wait until tomorrow! Cleveland is going to blow the Bengals out. I like the Browns STRAIGHT UP!!" Sunday AM in Vegas comes quickly. The pacific time zone means that the first games kick off at 10AM. By 7:30 I've usually staked out a couple of primetime seats upfront at Caesars or the Excalibur (Yes, my main hotel is the cheapest spot on the strip. Hell, they have Krispy Kreme!) At this point I normally have about 15 parlay tickets going from ($2 up to $20 on one ticket). I have your required 15 game parlays where you bet $2 trying to win $50,000. I have what I call my "Grown Man" tickets where I have simply bet $10 on 3 "SURE THINGS" to win $60. Then I have my "Ultra Grown Man" ticket where I have bet $50-$100 on Cleveland to beat Cincy straight up to win $150-$200. Normally around 9am when the lines start getting long at the windows is when panic sets in for me. Cleveland over Cincy is on ALL of my tickets. If Cincy wins I'm screwed!!! Then I quickly scratch out a couple of tickets that don't include that game and race up to get them in before kick-off. I have no idea how I manage to spend approximately 20hrs in the sportsbook from Friday to Sunday and I ALWAYS find myself in line at the window as the studio shows are cutting away to the game. Well you know what happens next.... Here are my picks for this week


Steelers -5 OVER Baltimore

Vikings +3 OVER Titans

Cleveland +3 OVER Cincy (Hell, WHAT ARE THEY THINKING?!?!?!?!?!)

Friday, September 26, 2008

Brady Quinn Signs with the NY Clients


Today in Manhattan Brady Quinn was introduced as a NY Client. Quinn has always wanted to play for a winner and was not surprised that the Clients plucked him off the waiver wire a week before he becomes the starter in Cleveland. The Browns simply have to many weapons (Braylon Edwards, Donte Stallworth, Kellen Winslow) in the passing game to let Derek Anderson drive that ship much longer. Of course with Brady on IR it is unlikely that Quinn will be held as a "keeper" on the Client's roster, plus Phillip Rivers is playing like HE wants to challenge Brady for the #1 spot.

Client's owner, Orlando Hampton said, "We may consider trading Brady" with a grin on his face. When asked to clarify if he was referring to Tom or Quinn, Hampton smiled and moved on.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

C'mon Ed......SERIOUSLY!

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- Ed McMahon has an unexpected new job title: rapper.

When asked if he would consider releasing a full-length rap album, Ed McMahon said: "Not immediately."

When asked if he would consider releasing a full-length rap album, Ed McMahon said: "Not immediately."

The 85-year-old former "Tonight Show" sidekick will star in two viral rap videos for FreeCreditReport.com, a financial Web site owned by credit bureau Experian.

The videos feature McMahon wearing a tracksuit, being chauffeured around Los Angeles in a Cadillac Escalade golf cart and waxing lyrical about his very public financial troubles.

"I knew I could sing the blues, but I didn't know I could rap," McMahon said Wednesday.

The videos will appear online in October.

Charles Harris, FreeCreditReport.com's vice president of strategic marketing, said the company sought out McMahon to star in the humorous spots after seeing him openly discuss his finances on "Larry King Live." Harris said McMahon represents "a man who is taking charge."

In the first video, McMahon -- who once pitched the American Family Publishing sweepstakes -- and a bodyguard are cruising through a neighborhood looking for sweepstakes winners to ask for some money back, but McMahon doesn't actually go through with it. In the second spot, McMahon dons a new suit after undergoing a financial and emotional makeover.

"When I retired, I was famous," McMahon raps in the video. "I had money and glory/I bought a house for 6 mill/I thought nothing could touch me/Until my credit went south, and debt started to crunch me/Next thing I know, instead of playing gin rummy, I was scrambling just to make ends meet/It wasn't funny."

After being joined by two scantily clad women, McMahon continues: "Got a bump from the media chumps, but that was temporary/Wife with bad credit was scary, so I got wise/I may have fallen, but I got back up/Now I'm back on the attack, like a ninja swinging nunchucks/I told the haters, 'Go on, take a hike'/It's my show now, and I can do what I like."

McMahon said he spent one day in the studio recording the rap. He said he hopes his participation will inspire viewers to learn from his mistakes and become more aware about their finances.

When asked if he would consider releasing a full-length rap album, McMahon said: "Not immediately."

In June, the former "Star Search" host revealed he was fighting foreclosure after falling $644,000 behind on mortgage payments on his Beverly Hills home. Last month, he agreed to a deal with a private buyer.

McMahon said Wednesday the deal has not been completed, and he's not sure what he and his wife, Patricia, will do after the sale.

"We're in this together," said McMahon. "We're a team. We're going to solve it together. We're going to work this out. I'm very optimistic. I'm an old Marine. I've been in two wars and have 85 combat missions under my belt. I've got a background of looking for the good stuff, going for the best way. My wife is with me 100 percent."

It's not the first job for McMahon following his money problems. In July, the former "Tonight Show" sidekick reprised his role as pitchman with commercial segments alongside talk-show host Jimmy Kimmel on "Jimmy Kimmel Live."

One of the spots featured McMahon teaching Kimmel how to sell a product. Another had the duo preparing for a road trip to Mexico.

Last week, a Los Angeles Superior Court judge ruled that McMahon's lawsuit against Cedars-Sinai Medical Center and two physicians he claims failed to properly diagnose and repair his broken neck laid out adequate legal ground to pursue claims that include negligence, elder abuse, battery, fraud and intentional infliction of emotional distress

Week 4 Official Lines and Predictions


The first week of division play. This is always a fun week for FAA football. The first week that teams have to deal with BYE weeks and normally this is around the time that injuries start to nip away at starters. This is also the week that division foes can finally stop the strange "I love my division" talk, and cease with the uncomfortable man hugs (see picture). This is where your ability to draft quality back-ups in the late round of the draft pays dividends. Some teams (Honolulu and New York to name two) are looking like the walking wounded going into division play. It’s always great to see the traditional matchups. As much as we whine about one division being easy or hard, this is the reason that no one will ever vote for realignmen


Norfolk @ Imperial -2

This is one of the oldest rivalries in the FAA. The early years of the FAA saw the battle for EAST supremacy waged exclusively by these two teams. In the first non-keeper trade ever Imperial sent Marshall Faulk to Norfolk, which pushed the Shipmen to their first title. A little known fact is that Imperial took off after the trade as well, just never got to Championship Level play. Recent history in this series is not any difference than past history. Last year Norfolk won both games by an average score of 75 – 63 (Not exactly most see TV). Norfolk has the power ranking edge 15-5 as well. The owners like Imperial in this game with the early betting, but this strikes me as spitting in the face of a hurricane. Looking at the matchups I give the QB and RB matchup to Norfolk and the WR, TE matchup to Imperial. I like the Maulers chances, but why bet against history. I’ll take the points and the Shipmen


Pittsburgh -4 @ Jersey

Yeah, I picking against the “it” team this week. Jersey has been basking in the sun of the early season schedule, but Jersey has ALWAYS struggled in the East. Even with lots of winning in recent years (2 runs to the championship game) Jersey has never really been a consistent contender for the East crown. Now having said that…Pittsburgh hasn’t exactly been a super power either. The Ballers are looking to take the “it” title right off of Carc’s back. Jersey holds a 13-7 lead in the power rankings, but here is the STAT OF THE WEEK…The Ballers went 2-0 against Jersey last year by an average score of 101 -59!!! Jersey wants respect, but I think he better respect the Ballers. I love the Ballers in this match-up. With AP banged up it may not even be close. “Fire up the Lawnmower”. I’ll take PIT and give the points.

Sewickley -9 @ Albany

This is like a matchup of old school vs. new school. 4 years ago I lobbied in this space to rename the central division the “Albany Division”. Albany backed up my endorsement by immediately going in the tank and missing the playoffs for the next 3 years. The F-Bombs has taken this division by force. Albany didn’t beat many teams last season, so it’s not a shock that Sewickley has a significant Power Rating advantage, however these two teams split last year and Sewickley averaged 86ppg compared to Albany’s 82ppg. I haven’t had confidence in Albany for a long time now, but I have to admit when I saw him patting himself on the back because Mendenhall will get the start against BALTIMORE!! I officially closed the book on Raud. Being excited to start a RB against BLT is the kiss O death. Give up all of those points and take Sewickley.


Aliquippa -1 @ Mt. Lebo

Neither of these teams has ever won this division. One of these teams has never finished with a winning record. Not exactly the game networks are fighting to televise. There are some interesting story lines here. For one Zuc has guaranteed 8 wins and if he goes 3-1 it will be hard to contain his ramblings. Drummond on the other hand has expectations hanging on his back. If he goes 1-3 in a season where he had 3 first round picks the league will attack him in a manner reminiscent of feeding citizens to Lions in Rome. First we find out that Clay Aiken is gay, now we get the shocking news that Mt. Lebo is bad. SHOCKING!!!!! Go with Quip Town.

Tokyo @ Honolulu -3

Another CLASSIC FAA battle. Whenever the Tokyo Kamikazes come flying into Hawaii it is sure to stir emotion for everyone involved. Of course with both teams being 0-3 symbolism may be the only show in town this Sunday. Honolulu swept both games last year by a wide margin (95ppg – 69ppg). This Destroyer team is a serious empirical anomaly. Isimio will be putting a starting line-up on the field that averages 105PPG and this is with Chance Stuckey starting while Colston is out with an injury and Eddie Royal is on the bench. Of course we have to mention that Honolulu went 0-5 to begin last season and still extended his playoff streak, but don’t see how he can afford to go 0-4 for the 2nd season in a row. Tokyo got a huge boost last week when Ronnie Brown returned to the fantasy scene. Of course, Brown was on the bench for the Kamikazes when he accounted for 5 TDS in one game, but its great news for Tokyo if he is back. As Tokyo’s recent luck would have it…Brown is on a bye this week. In addition to Brandon Jacobs, Julius Jones, Wes Welker and SEA DEF on a BYE. Just when it looks like you’ve turned it around… I’m going to go with Tokyo anyway. Desperation wins.


GAME OF THE WEEK

New York -8 @ Henderson

In a weird scheduling quirk this is the only game that features two teams with winning records (combined 5-1). New York is averaging over 100ppg through sheer will at this point. R. Moss hasn’t had a big day all year and we all know what happened to T. Brady in week 1. Now Westbrook is listed as day to day. Phillip Rivers single handedly lifted the Clients to a victory last week and you have to love him against Oakland this week. The Clients swept this matchup last year by a wide scoring margin (107ppg – 40ppg) and Henderson has had little success vs. New York historically. The Hitmen traditionally have the burden of relying on McNabb to carry the team to victories and it has never helped when playing the Clients that McNabb and Westbrook are generally tied at the hip in terms of success. I like Jones-Drew and Dunn, but they could both score 20 or they could both score 5. I just don’t think Hendo has the horses to ride with the big dogs. Although this is a big point spread for a road team, I’m going to have to clamp down and give the points and go with NYC

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vj2WN5qXrzI

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Week 3 Official Lines and Predictions

Quiet week in the FAA with Raud trying to un-lodge my foot from his behind and his own foot from his mouth. Also with Wags dropping a game to Mt. Lebo at the same time McCain is dropping in the polls generally leads to a low email week.

This is the final week before the first round of division games and teams are looking to firmly plan themselves in contention for a division title. The pre-season favorites to win the division have opened 2-0 (Jersey, New York, Sewickley). While 3 teams finished to struggle (Albany, Tokyo, Honolulu) couldn't have opened much worse. It will be interesting to see who goes into division play undefeated. Onto the games...

Norfolk -2 @ Henderson

I don't expect an offensive explosion in this game. Manning vs. JAX and McNabb vs. PIT are not exactly recipes for major points. Norfolk's strategy of counting on Cleveland's offense to carry him to another title doesn't even require explanation as to why it's failing. Somehow I don't see Cleveland putting loads of points on the board against a rested Ravens DEF in Baltimore either. Hendo has McNabb and Ward. Everyone else is kind of along for the ride. I can see Ward having a big day this week (In fact Hendo and I are going to the game so I HOPE WARD HAS A HUGE DAY!!) but I just don't see McNabb getting "his" against the Steel Curtain. He has his own "Brown" in Winslow. I think this game will be low scoring and ugly. Do you even need to ask who I think will win a low scoring, ugly game with Norfolk playing? Give the points.

Imperial @ New York -7

The Maulers circled this game on their calendar the day the schedule was released from the league offices. I like their match-ups this week. 'Freakin' may get a couple of shots at goal line carries vs. Houston and I don't see how Washington will slow down Boldin. Jennings gets his shot at a Cowboys DEF that is still chasing Eagles all over the field in their sleep, while Big Ben gets his shot at embarrassed Eagles secondary. New York comes into the game with the #1 QB and #1 RB in the league. What a luxury to have the top qb in the league go down and have a 8th rd draft pick come in and light the league up. Rivers will get a chance to pick apart the Jets (especially with LT out) and Westbrook faces the black and gold. That means ZERO yards rushing for Westbrook (I HOPE!). He will probably do most of his damage on screen passes, which kill the Steelers if Polamalu is missing tackles (HE WON'T). I will be rooting against Westbrook in full throat, but a garbage score late in the game won't hurt. McGahee finally gets to go in a live game and he should shred Cleveland. Moss against Mia.....OH SNAP....MOSS AGAINST MIA!!! TO will continue his rampage through the NFC, especially with all the talk about Al Harris 'shutting him down' last season. Witten will do his normal damage, but the big play will likely come with the BLT def vs. Cleveland. I think Baltimore can shut this team out. At a minimum you are looking at lots of sacks and turnovers, maybe even a defensive score. This game will be close. I'll take the Maulers and the 7 points, and the Clients to win the game.

Pittsburgh -10 @ Albany

Ryan Grant and Marvin Harrison look like they have one good hamstring between the two of them. Don't know if anyone caught the NFL films coverage of a Grant run where the Packers sideline was yelling "Don't open it up!" for fear that if Grant tried to run to aggressively that he would tear his hamstring and be out for an extended period of time. Don't know if I have ever heard a sideline yelling for their teammate NOT to run hard before. Marvin Harrison looks like it might be time to take him to the WR retirement home. I love Lynch and AJ (when healthy) but I don't see Albany contending this year. Just Big Hat no cattle. Pittsburgh is a REAL team. If Fitz and S. Moss continue to play well it will only be a matter of time before Adai gets back on track. The pick of D. Anderson in the first round looks even worse now, but Steve Smith on your bench is pretty powerful trade bait. I expect the Ballers to roll in this one. Give the points and mow the grass, this game won't be close.

Sewickley @ Honolulu -3

That's right! Honolulu is the favorite in this game. Spit in the face of Vegas if you want, but the Destroyers are truly loaded even if their 0-2 record doesn't show it. What other team could sit down LT and Maroney, then plug in the 4th and 14th highest scoring RBs in the league? What other team boast top 9 starters at every position except 2? Granted his bench looks like a bad joke about our current health care system, but his starting line-up is serious and he has great matchups this week. Its not Sewickley is a huge dog on the road. They continue to get stellar play from Aaron Rodgers and Brandon Marshall may just turn out to be THE MAN! Wayne has clearly became the flat out best WR in Indy. If LJ and Stephen Jackson could ever get going Sewickley would scare a lot of teams, just don't know if this is ever going to happen... Honolulu needs this game more than Sewickley. I think the Destroyers win it.

Aliquippa -4 @ Tokyo

Yawn...... I'll take Quip Town and give points

GAME OF THE WEEK

Jersey @ Mt. Lebo -5

Jersey came into the season with high hopes out of their RBs and AP and Barber have not disappointed. Throw in Earnest Graham and you would have to say Jersey has a rb factory right now. The WR corp is a different story all together. Roddy White? David Patten? Really Carc?? Alge Crumple may be the only player averaging less than 1PPG (who actually played in both games) starting in the FAA. Mt. Lebo has players! Let me say that again...MT. Lebo has PLAYERS!! The fruits of the first round draft heist are beginning to pay off. Forte and Fast Willie are the real deal. No one is stopping Burress this year and Calvin Johnson looks like a STUD. Tony Romo will continue to light the league on fire all year. If Shockey ever gets his act together Mt. Lebo will be looking square at (should I say it......) PLAYOFFS!!!!! I know Jersey is the "IT" team and the trendy pick, but I think Mt. Lebo will finally get out of his own way this week. I like the Outlaws.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJ4oSgIU78s